money money money

Does money change people? Even the nicest person, with the best intentions? I have learned that most likely it does. I didn’t want this to be my first blog post, alas here we are.

My husband passed away about a month ago. When he first got sick, I was completely distraught and his sister helped me every step of the way, sending money, buying grocery, then paying for funeral arrangements, everything my two teenage children and I needed for a month. She was extremely kind. She was worried we wouldn’t have enough funds to live on and she wanted to make sure we would be ok.

A month later, lots have changed. We are barely on speaking terms and she is using her son to communicate with me. The reason: arguments about money. SEVERAL arguments. First she thinks I should give her a very sizeable portion of the life insurance settlements because she is family and she is taking care of Grandma. Agreed on that. My issue is with how much she thought was reasonable. No, that’s not acceptable. I have a daughter who plans to go to an expensive private university in September. My son is 2 years behind. He has many ambitions. Surely his education will also be a huge expense. We are down to my income, which is 50% less than what my late husband earned. We could hardly get by on my salary alone. I want to use the insurance money to pay for daily expenses and my kids’ educations. However, Sister-in-law has an issue with that. She repeatedly told me kids should go to public colleges. She said it’s to make sure I am not in debt. Or is it to make sure she can get a bigger cut of the life insurance money? I don’t know. I had to explain to her my daughter is very firm on where she wants to go, and her dad/my late husband who was her person would want her to go to the college of her dreams. Sis-in-law wasn’t happy with this. She went on and on. She brought in someone else in the hope of helping her argument. After some very loud shouting matches, I realized NO I do NOT owe anyone any explanation on where my children are going to school. In fact, I do not have to explain anything I do to anyone at all. She is not paying for it. I am. I am willing to live in debt so my children can go to the schools they want. She has no right to tell me what to do.

Several similar incidents, including a very strange, aggressive money grabbing behavior from her, shook me to the core. I used to brag about her to friends and family. What changed? I want to see it as she is temporarily out of her mind and she will be back. I have suffered the loss of my dear husband. Now i am also suffering the loss of my kind, sweet sister-in-law.

#widow #grief #loss #moneyisevil